Faith in Struggle

I haven't posted a blog in a long time, but there's been a lot on my mind recently... I started dating a girl about 2 and a half weeks ago and things are going really well, I have never felt this way about anyone before in my whole life, and it's really great, I feel like I've known her for ever; which sounds really cheesy, and probably is, but I don't care... I like her a lot :) She has a lot going on in her life right now, and a lot to deal with. I've been praying for her a lot in the past few weeks because we have just started our relationship, but more than that, I want her to make wise decisions, because I care about her more than she even knows... she's been really sad recently, and I've been trying to do my very best to make her feel happy, cause when I do things that make her happy, it makes me truly happy, and I like the feeling of knowing that she feels happy with me, and safe with me... another cheeseball line, but what can I say...?? ;) I've been praying that God would give her a sense of wisdom that can only come from HIM, and that she would have a peace that passes all understanding. I want her to be the most happy person on the whole planet and I want her to know that she is safe in HIS arms (something I'm SURE she already knows). I've also been praying that I would be the spiritual leader that she needs, because that's the most important thing in the relationship; that we keep God first, and keep HIS best interests ahead of ours. Another thing that is really important to me is respect; I want to respect her, and always treat her like she's a princess and like she's the most important thing in my life.

The reason that I am writing this post is because of an old lady named Murtha. I'll give you a short background story: last summer on tour I thought I may have broken my arm, and had to go to the emergency room, I got all fixed up (didn't break anything either) and was on my way. I thought I had all the insurance stuff worked out, but I guess I didn't... so these collection ppl kept calling me and I thought it would just work itself out... my dad told me he fixed it, the Cedarville medical service said it was all worked out, but the calls kept coming. I'm a believer in the term "everything happens for a reason..." and God definitely wanted me in that insurance room that day. I sat down and worked out the papers and stuff... turned out all I had to do was sign a paper. After I signed it, Murtha (the sweet old lady who works at the desk) asked me what I wanted to do with my life; kinda seems like a broad question for a lady at an insurance desk whom I'd never met in my whole life... but at the same time, I was really glad she asked. I told her all about my major, and my future plans and about what I thought I wanted to do with what I was learning at school. Then she started talking about Christ. The love of God was so evident in this lady that it took me by surprise. it was like she was an angel and she knew that I needed to hear everything she was about to say. She told me that life was hard; something I already knew, and before I could even try and prove to her that I knew what she was talking about, she told me that I was just a kid, and that it gets tougher. She told me all about how easy it is to walk away, and how easy it is to get so caught up in life that you forget about the one who gave it to you. She asked me if I had anyone that I could share things with... "what do you mean?" I asked. She said that it was important for me to have people in my life that I could tell anything to... she told me that if I didn't have anyone there, it was easier for me to slip away.

I have friends that I can tell anything to, and I have ppl that know what I'm up to most of the time, and I told her all of this. She responded by saying that her boys (she has 2 sons) talk to their dad at least once a week and tell him what they're dealing with, she told me that my father is the most important man in my life, and that I should tell him that once in a while. I hadn't really noticed before, but I never just tell my dad that I appreciate him; I might write it in a birthday card once a year, but I don't truly tell him how much he means to me; cause when I grow up, get married, get a job and have a family, I want to exactly like him, because he truly is the image of the perfect Godly husband, father and friend.

Murtha then told me that sometimes other people see what I can't see; something might look good, and it might seem like I think it's what God wants from me, but I fail to see the cliff at the end. She told me that I need to trust other people, and that maybe those other people are being used by God to tell me when something isn't quite right, or to lovingly call me out when I'm doing something wrong, and I should take what they have to say to heart, and cherish the ones who love me.

Murtha then began to tell me how she keeps a prayer journal and how every single morning without fail she writes down things she needs to pray about throughout the day. She said, "I'm 68 years old, and these past 25 years of my life has been the best because I've written down things I asked Jesus for; because I want to remember someday; everyone remembers prayers that went unanswered because they are bitter they didn't get what they wanted, but nobody remembers the prayers that God DID answer, because we're so selfish that once it's done, we forget and move to the next thing we can get... well, I wanna remember what my Savior did for me everyday." she encouraged me more than I can express with words. She then challenged me to keep a prayer journal for myself, and every morning (or night) write down my prayers... well that's what I'm doing right now, all thanks to that sweet old lady in the Cedarville University Student Insurance Office.

This is my first of many prayer posts... I want to remember the prayers that God DID answer...

Happiness

I recently met a girl at a LiFT camp by the name of Rachael. She is just like any other normal 15 year old girl; she's fun, happy, has a good personality, and she's just a beautiful person. The one thing that makes Rachael different from everyone else is the fact that she has Spina Bifida. she wears leg braces that can help her to walk, but for the most part she is pushed around on a wheelchair. When I first saw her I thought, "I want to get to know her because I bet she has an awesome testimony."

The second day of camp I was able to meet her and push her wheelchair around for a few minutes. I got to hear about her life and what she wants to do when she gets older. She told me that she wanted to be a doctor because she wanted to help people similar to herself. The whole time I was talking to her, and every time I would see her around the camp she had the biggest smile on her face. I wanted to ask her why she was so happy, but I didn't want to offend her.

The last night of camp came, and I had gotten to know her a little better, and felt that I could ask her the question that I wanted. So I asked, "Rachael, if you don't mind me asking, why are you always happy and in a good mood??" and for as long as I live I will never forget her response. She looked up at me and said: "I'm so happy because God loves me, and I'm in love with Him, and no matter how much I have to suffer on this earth I know that my Jesus had to suffer more. And someday when I get to heaven and see my savior face to face, all of my suffering will have been worth it..." Well I started to get a little teary... and was so touched by what this little girl had said, it made me think: if this little girl with Spina Bifida in a wheelchair can be happy and satisfied with her life, who am I to complain about anything. It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am, and in an instant He could take it all away.

This reminds me of the song 'Majesty,' there is a line in the song that says, "Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands." God will meet all of us where we are, even if we have nothing, and even though we don't deserve any of it, he will make us fully alive if we truly depend on Him :)

Brokenness

Brokenness is something that I always pray for. the reason for that is because the times that I'm broken are the times when I rely on God the most. I know that I need Jesus all the time, but I lean on Him when I'm in times of trouble, and I feel safe in him. For the past 2 weeks I've been at LiFT camp playing music, and it's been the best 2 weeks of summer in my life. I'm learning so much about leaning on God in all times, and about how much God truly loves me, even when I don't love myself, or when I feel inadequate.

that's another thing I've been struggling with, feeling like I'm not worth anything, and that I don't deserve all the things I've been given... I've been given so much and I don't feel like I'm entitled to any of it. but I'm always reminded that God has blessed me with what I have for a reason, and he's placed me where I am for a reason, and He will continue to love me and give me what I need as long as I keep Him my nunber one focus and desire.

It's so incredible to have someone there for me whenever I need someone to talk to, or someone to help me with my problems. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and it makes me feel good to know that the creator of the universe loves me :)

Question...

I heard a story the other day about a man who visited Australia for his wedding anniversary. Him and his wife were having a great time over there and enjoying each other so much, when one day he was out to the store to get something that they needed in their hotel room. He was by himself, and decided to take a little shortcut through a back alley. He was met in the alley by a little old man, and the little old man said: "Sir, if you were to die today do you know where you would spend the rest of eternity...?" And as quick as the little old man appeared and asked the question, he dissappeared. The question of eternity however stuck with this man and he pondered it for the rest of the day.

Eventually, because of the question the little old man asked, this man and his wife became Christians, in fact, this man became a pastor. He was the pastor of a big church, and he began to travel and preach to different seminars on the subject of evangelism. Wherever he went he would tell the story of the little old man in the alley and the question he asked. After each seminar he preached at, he would have one or two people come up to him and say: "we went to Australia and the same little old man asked me the same question and that's why I'm saved today!!!"

over the course of a few years, and after speaking in many different places, he had met over 100 people who had been saved because of this little old man and the question he asked. So the pastor decided that he was going to go back to Australia to see if he could find this little old man. He bought his plane ticket and flew over there, and upon arriving he went directly to the same alley as before. There was that little old man sitting by his window in his home, when the pastor walked by the little old man said again: "Sir, if you were to die today, do you know where you would spend the rest of eternity...?" and the pastor replied "yes I do, because of you." The pastor then began to tell him that because of him and the question he asked, he was saved, and that hundreds of other people had been saved too. upon hearing these words the little old man began to weep tears of joy. "I had no idea that so many people listened to me!" The pastor asked him why he asked the question to everyone who walks by, and the little old man said that when he got saved he made a vow to God that every day for the rest of his life he would tell 10 people about Jesus, and he thought that question was a good way of saying everything he needed to in a very short amount of time.

When I hear this story I can't help but be filled with tears too, because of the dedication of this little old man, but also because I feel ashamed that I'm not doing more. If this little old man helped hundreds of people get saved just by one little question, then I could reach many as well by talking about Jesus, and living the life that shines the love of Christ. I don't know why I don't tell about Jesus all the time, I don't know whether I'm scared, or whether I think I'm entitled to do whatever I want. But something that I'm learning right now is that the only think I'm truly entitled to, is Hell... and the only way that I can be anything in this world, is through the love and beauty of Christ.

Grace

I've recently been learning about how God can take all the junk in my life, and form it into His treasure. It doesn't matter how messed up someone is, there is always a hope that they will be caught in God's grace.

I would like to share the story of a man named William. I'll start by telling you about his past experiences. William at the age of only 17 years old committed his first murder because the person hit his sister and he got mad. a few years after that he committed his second murder. He was the head member of the Hell's Angel's motorcycle gang for years, where he robbed, murdered and did drugs without any care for anyone. William has tattoos from his ears down to his feet with no skin showing. He used to be involved in underground cage fighting and thrived off of hurting people. He has been in almost a dozen life-threatening motorcycle accidents and been on life support more than once. William should be dead, but because of the grace of God he lives, and this is his story.

William was driving to work just like any other day, and as he was passing "Family Bible Church" (my home church) he saw a man hitch hiking and, going against his better judgement, he decided to do something he never does; he picked up the hitch hiker. The man came into his truck and they began some small talk. After a few minutes the man reached over without saying anything and put his hand on William (anyone who's ever touched William before has been sent to the hospital rather quickly). But for some reason William let the man's hand remain on his shoulder. Then suddenly, the man began to pray. Tears welled up in William's eyes and he didn't know why, but for some reason he felt a feeling in his heart that he's never felt before. As the man finished praying he asked William to pull the car over to the side of the road. William did as the man said, even though they were in the middle of no where. The man got out and walked directly into the woods and seemed to vanish. William felt something come over him like he'd never felt before, a sense of peace. Come Sunday he decided that he was going to go to that church near where he'd picked the hitch hiker.

When William walked in the door he was expecting glares and stares of disgrace from all the "Church people," but what he found was that the people from my church showed him compassion, and loved him because Jesus loves him. that sunday he sat through the service, and immediately afterwards sought the help of one of the church elders, my father, to talk with. So William and my dad went into one of the empty classrooms together, and in that empty classroom that sunday morning William, the Hell's Angel, the murderer, the drug user, was on his knees weeping before the Lord, and asking him to forgive everything he'd ever done. And you want to know the most amazing part of the story? God forgave William for those terrible things he did and now William is going to live in eternity with his Savior.

When I hear this story I think about how much God loves us, that no matter what we do or how bad we mess up, God will forgive us. William did some terrible things, but the beauty of Grace is that no matter what we do, Jesus died so that we might live. There is a passage of scripture in 2 Corinthians 9:8 that says: "For God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." Just like William, we all need Jesus, and no matter how bad I think I am, or how much I mess up, God is bigger than my sin and my stupidity, He loves me, more than anyone else can, and He is able to take the messy canvas of my life, and paint something beautiful.

First Day

After driving 18 hours back to Cedarville it was nice to get a good night sleep... But this morning we (me and Joe) woke up at a leisurely 10:00 and chilled, went to Sonic and had some delicious food... 

:-P.  Training started today and we had a fun day of set up and practice... followed by one of my favorite activities... mom & dad's :)  and the best part is that it's always free... 

Tomorrow should be good, a lot more practice, and chillin with the rest of the team... it's truly incredible to have such great people in the band with me who love me, and who I love too... they encourage me to be a better person... and always, above all, give all the glory to GOD... 

I Need Thee

I heard a story a few months ago, about scientists who were running tests on dogs.  The test was that they took a wolf, and a domesticated dog of equal strength and they threw each of them into a tank of water to see which one would survive the longest before it drowned.  When I first heard this I was shocked.  I thought, well the wolf is going to last the longest, because the wolf is out there on it's own living by itself and taking care of itself, and it has always had to provide everything without anyone or anything's help.  Whereas the dog, the dog has had everything provided for it it's whole life, it's used to always having someone look after it and give it everything it needs... but in the end, I was wrong.  After only a minute or two, the wolfe drowned.  It saw that no matter what it did or how hard it tried to stay alive, there was no way that it could save itself.  But the dog, since it has always had everything given to it, it knew that if it could just hang in there, and just keep swimming 'till it's muscles burned and it's legs ached, that sooner or later, it's master would come and pull him out... 

after I heard this I thought, what am I but that dog, just swimming around and waiting for my Master to pull me out of the junk I get involved in.  Then I start thinking how much I NEED Jesus - all the time - and I started thinking about how blessed I am that I know Him.  It all comes back to Grace.  Without Grace there would be no redemption, and without redemption, we would have no hope in this world.

"The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair..."   -Relient K

~only by HIS grace~

Perfection... isn't really perfect

I've been learning within the past few months that perfection isn't everything.  I try to be perfect, I try to do everything I can to make everyone like me, cause I'm kind of a people pleaser, to be honest.  But I have been finding that I just need to be me, and face the fact that not everyone is going to like "me"... but there's nothing I can do about that.  

Another thing is that I've been looking at others and trying to find perfection in them as well, but the truth is that imperfection is more beautiful than perfection.  It's those little flaws that make people who they are, and - I don't want to sound like a kindergarden teacher - but imperfections make people special for who they really are.  It makes them unique.  

Sometimes I find that people who appear to be perfect often have many complicated flaws on the inner that they would never discuss with anyone, it's their secret, and it is tearing them apart on the inside... whereas people who are real on the outside and -though they may be far from perfect - they just act themselves at all times, they never put on different personalities around different groups of people...  those are the kind of people who let imperfection make them unique and let their imperfections make them beautiful.

That is something that I am striving to be at all times, is real.  One of my favorite verses in scripture is 1 Timothy 4:12 where it says "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example to believers with your life, by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith and by integrity."  I love this verse because it reminds me that I can be a leader no matter who is present, and I know that God can give me the strength to live for Him regardless of my situation.

~only by HIS grace~

The Beauty of Grace

Grace is amazing.  It makes it so life isn't fair, and it's a beautiful thing.  I am shown grace everyday without deserving it, and I've been recognizing it more and more everyday.  As tour comes in just a few days I have to always remember that Grace is something that I am shown (By God and by other people) therefor I must show grace to others; the people in the band, the kids at the shows, and most of all the people who I don't get along with.  this summer is going to be full of fun times and memories that I'll never forget as long as I live.  But I must remember that as grace is shown to me, I must show grace to others, it makes like beautiful.

~only by HIS grace~

getting started...

This is hopefully my first of many posts.  I am home, anxiously awaiting summer tour.  It's kinda nice to be home, I can do what I want, and just kinda chill.  I'm getting ready to, like I said, start touring for HeartSong, the Cedarville University touring team that I am apart of.  This year we will be traveling the midwest and eastern portion of the United States and performing at LIFT camps.  I basically can't wait 'till we start.  I don't think there is anything in the world that I'd rather do than play music... I'm not all that great at it, but it makes me feel so at home when I'm standing on stage in front of a lot of people just playing and singing, all for the glory of God.  Sometimes when you're in front of people every night playing, and hearing the audience clap and yell for you, it's hard to not want to take the glory for yourself, and say, I made thisd happen for me, I made me who I am today and I'll take all the credit I can get.  But in reality, I deserve none of it, because I know that God can take everything away in a heartbeat.  It's difficult for me to sometimes find a balance between being confident and proud of myself, but to still give God all the glory He's due, but it's something I'm working on, and I am surrounded by an incredible band who's number one priority is putting God first and giving Him the glory, so there's a lot of people who can encourage me.  

that's all I got for now... more to come as tour rapidly approaches... 

~only by HIS grace~